…and why this must precede setting boundaries with others.

Setting boundaries, at first, may make you feel like you're going to die.

Because deep down, most of us want people to like us, especially the people closest to us (these are usually the people we need to set boundaries with the most.

Ahhhh, take a deep breath...there's light at the end of this tunnel.

I guarantee you, once you do set that boundary, although it may seem scary and feel a little painful, what comes after this is an unwavering trust in yourself...a sense of accomplishment and respect for yourself...and ultimately happiness.

Why happiness though?

There was once a woman who had issues in her relationship with her man.

They fought over the craziest things, and she never knew when they would stop fighting, when they would get to the root of their actual issues.

One day, she went to her therapist who pointed out some obvious stuff that she'd heard a million times, but this time, something else clicked...

She realized, all the things she was asking from her man, she wasn't even doing for herself.

Like, who does that?

(Most, if not all of us actually).

We need to fill our own cup first...and when we expect others to treat us in certain ways, when we're not treating ourselves that way, things can get really messy and fights start happening.

So this woman went home and journaled and prayed to God to show her how to give herself all the things she was wanting from her man, to show her the way to wisdom, to show her how to establish a higher sense of value, respect and love for herself.

This is when she learned the value of setting boundaries first, with herself.

WOW, what? I can set boundaries with myself?

Yes, maam. And that's exactly what we're going to talk about in today's newsletter.

Why?

👉🏼 Because you cannot set boundaries with other people if you don't first set boundaries with yourself.

When we learn to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated, something beautiful happens, we come into integrity with ourselves in a profound way:

• Self honor

• Self respect

• Self empathy

• Self value

There are often parts of us that contradict themselves, for instance:

• The righteous woman vs the worldly girl

• The mature woman vs the immature girl

• The woman who knows the right choice vs the girl who was never taught the right choice

• The woman who has been through darkness vs the girl who hasn't yet come out of darkness

The woman inside of us is the one who knows the right way, the girl inside of us is the one who often hasn't learned the lesson yet...and sometimes these two parts of us will fight to take control of our day if we let them.

Our relationships rely on our ability to first give ourselves honor, respect, empathy, and value...and if we don't cultivate these within ourselves, our relationships will absolutely suffer (and we'll blame it on everyone else, except ourselves).

The next question is:

👉🏼 What are some areas of my life can I set boundaries with myself?

• Your relationships: Who you choose to interact with and what you choose to experience and talk with them about (and what you won't experience and talk with them about. Ex: Saying no to gossip, no matter what)

• Your health and physical wellness: What you choose to put in your mouth and on your body, for instance, choosing healthy options as much as you can

• Your self care: What and when you choose to work versus when you choose to rest and take breaks for your mental and emotional wellbeing. How you choose to reset and nourish yourself outside of your work

• How you want to be loved and communicated with: This is more nuanced than just your relationships. This is how you want to be treated, how you want your heart cared for, how you want to feel loved by your friends, family, and your spouse..and when starting with yourself first, how you want to be treated and loved by yourself (Ex: Start with your inner self talk)

With these 4 areas of life, when you start setting boundaries with yourself and what you're willing to experience and tolerate, you'll begin to see your outside world reflecting your inside world.

You'll be changing from the inside out very quickly.

Remember that woman I talked about earlier who was fighting with her man?

She did this process too.

She set boundaries with herself.

She changed from the inside out.

And she started experiencing an inner harmony that quickly reflected into her relationship with her man.

👉🏼 Today's Ask: I invite you to see my journal prompts below to dig deeper into this topic today and start seeing transformation now.

Journal Prompts You Can Use Today:

• When were 3 times I was extremely proud of myself for accomplishing something?

• What are 3 times I remember where I made a difficult decision from a place where I deeply valued myself?

• Where in my life can I create better boundaries and standards and what would those boundaries and standards look like?

🙏🏼 Let's end with a prayer today:

Father in Heaven, I honor your name today and pray that you guide me with Your wisdom as I navigate my relationship with you, with myself and with those I love. Help me to understand and heal from past hurts, to see beyond misunderstandings, and to grow in love and respect for myself first.

Grant me the courage to face my own heart, to embrace my worth in Your eyes, and to extend grace to myself and those around me. May this path of understanding my own value positively influence my personal relationships, making them reflections of Your love.

Bless me with resilience, patience, and joy as I learn and grow in this area. Let every step forward, no matter how small, be guided by Your hand, and let my life be a testament to the transformative power of Your love and wisdom.

In Jesus's Mighty Name I Pray, Amen.

👉🏼 Do me a favor? If you got this far and decided to do some journaling, I'd love to hear about what you got from this exercise and newsletter! Reply back and let me know what you got.

I'm sending you lots of love today, I'll see you in the next newsletter love. I will eventually talk about setting boundaries with other people lol.

xo,
Lauren

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